You'll have to forgive this not-entirely-Gaz-related post. There's a lot going on these days, and it's all overlapping.
The Good: Yesterday we went to an Attachment Parenting group and had a wonderful time. Gaz got some quality play time in with a bunch of kids of varying ages, I got to spend some much-needed time with other moms, and it was generally a positive experience. Gaz didn't get too unruly or tantrumy, and even ate a whole strawberry (including the green bits I couldn't get away from her in time), some pineapple chunks, and a lot of floor Cheerios (they seem to be instantly more attractive on the floor). I also got to poke around a bit at the venue, BeBYBaby, and they've got this whole wall of nursing bras! I was amazed. I will definitely have to go back sans Gaz, plus checkbook to see about getting some attractive underthings. (Oh, the woes of nursing. ;-) ) Gaz was also a total champ about running errands after the meeting, including a trip to get Proton his prescription food, and stopping by Whole Foods to try to find some toothpaste our little vegetarian will tolerate. Speaking our little veggie girl, I could not believe that she willingly set aside the oreo that J. gave her as we were on our way up to the apartment for lunch in favor of tofu and peas! Whatta gal.
The Bad: My grandfather had a stroke on Sunday. Gaz and I are going to head home this weekend to stay with my folks for a while. I'll be able to help where I can, and everyone can benefit from having a little dose of Vitamin Gaz. Mark is driving us down so that I don't have to try to make the long drive by myself.
The Ugly: Today after lunch I was trying to clean up the table when Gaz, who had stolen my seat now that she's figured out how to climb up on the dining room chairs, was splashing around in some liquid on the table. Just as I was about to take her sippy cup away and shoo her off to play in the living room, I saw that her sippy cup was nowhere near her and still sitting upright. Then I noticed that my sweatshirt was completely soaked and dripping onto the table. I'm not sure what set off my milk-ejection reflex, but I definitley couldn't blame the mess on Gaz. She was a good girl and helped me wipe up the table, and now that I've got on a clean dry shirt, I'm a happy mom again.
Showing posts with label attachment parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label attachment parenting. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
The Independent Toddler
Anyone who thinks that attachment parenting only encourages a child to be overly dependent on its parents hasn't seen Gaz in action. Despite extended breastfeeding, never being allowed to cry herself to sleep alone*, and our family bed sleeping arrangements, when we went to the park last weekend she ran off to check out everything and everyone, hardly looking back at me once. She was happy to have help in navigating the slides, but otherwise she was all about doing it herself. I'm very proud of my little girl.
I know the way we are doing things isn't what everyone necessarily would (or should) choose, but I'm happy with how things are working out for us.
* The crying to sleep that has been done was always with a caregiver (Mark or Lisa, usually) at hand to provide what comfort Gaz would allow. There's not much than can be done about her preference for me (in fact, most days I wouldn't want to change it at all), so unfortunately sometimes someone has to get several earfuls in the course of minding her.
I know the way we are doing things isn't what everyone necessarily would (or should) choose, but I'm happy with how things are working out for us.
* The crying to sleep that has been done was always with a caregiver (Mark or Lisa, usually) at hand to provide what comfort Gaz would allow. There's not much than can be done about her preference for me (in fact, most days I wouldn't want to change it at all), so unfortunately sometimes someone has to get several earfuls in the course of minding her.
Monday, July 3, 2006
All the way to eleven (months)
Yesterday marked eleven months since Gaz's birth. I've been feeling introspective and philosophical about the whole business, and I'm sure that will go on for a little while longer. I've been thinking about the death of the me-that-was and the birth of the me-that-is, which is the same me-that-was only different; different enough that it's not extreme for me to talk of the transition as a death. I'm more and less patient, more and more loving, more creative in my problem solving. I think I'm more focused now, and I guess the thinking of such things is what is important so I guess I should start saying that I AM more focused. Gaz inspires a lot of things in me, all of them good so far. We'll see what later years bring about. ;)
As we get ready to celebrate her first year, I look back and see a hale and hearty infant who is rapidly becomming a hale and hearty little girl. You can tell that she is happy. She is happy to see me when I've been in the kitchen for a minute or when she sees me poke my head around the chair as we play in the living room, she's happy to see Mark when he comes home from work or when he comes around the door as he follows us down the stairs to run errands. She's happy to see all the people she recognizes. Sometimes she needs reassurance and extra cuddle time, but you can tell that she trusts more than she distrusts. She gets scared, but she does overcome fears little by little and that's all I can ask of her.
Now I go back to my regularly scheduled puttering and Gaz continues with her nap. Soon will be time for more errands and happily greeting Daddy when he gets home from work.
As we get ready to celebrate her first year, I look back and see a hale and hearty infant who is rapidly becomming a hale and hearty little girl. You can tell that she is happy. She is happy to see me when I've been in the kitchen for a minute or when she sees me poke my head around the chair as we play in the living room, she's happy to see Mark when he comes home from work or when he comes around the door as he follows us down the stairs to run errands. She's happy to see all the people she recognizes. Sometimes she needs reassurance and extra cuddle time, but you can tell that she trusts more than she distrusts. She gets scared, but she does overcome fears little by little and that's all I can ask of her.
Now I go back to my regularly scheduled puttering and Gaz continues with her nap. Soon will be time for more errands and happily greeting Daddy when he gets home from work.
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
nine months (with footnotes!)
With Gaz turning nine months old this morning, I'm feeling all reflecty.
First, I've got to say that I dig that she was born so early in the morning, not just because at the time I was under a bit of duress, but because we get to spend every 6:11 together, regardless of whether it's a work day for me or not. It's a little thing, but I love it.
This brings me to two things that are so important to us--all three of us--that I want to take a little space here to explain to everyone. Neither Mark nor myself has often been accused of doing things in an orthodox manner, and our family life is no different, I'm sure. The two things that make us all very happy with our family situation are breastfeeding and sharing sleep.
Let me start off by saying that, having gone through the business of figuring out how to do things in our family, I have nothing but respect for all the moms and dads in the world who've made decisions, some of them pretty tough ones, and raised their families in the ways that best worked for them. I've got no argument with anyone who has done things differently, and the following rambling is not meant to make anyone feel bad for their decisions. I don't like it when other people dis our choices, so I don't want any of our friends and family thinking that we don't support everyone's right and capacity to figure out how best to do things for themselves. Right. Onto the ramble.
Breastfeeding was not easy for us in the beginning. Gaz was lazy and I had little idea what I was doing. I was a bit arrogant about my skills: just because one's mother was a La Leche League leader for years, does not mean that one has innate breastfeeding super powers. In the hospital and for one difficult day at home, I ended up feeding Gaz formula via a supplemental nursing system that allowed her to get enough fluid volume to keep her hydrated while also getting her the all-important colostrum from me. This also helped my milk come in. To anyone in a similar situation, look for the compromise that will make everyone happy. One day after getting Gaz rehydrated my milk came in with a vengeance.
Breastfeeding has continued to be a challenge after going back to work. I had to buy a new watch that had alarms because I don't always watch the clock well when I'm working, and I was occassionally missing my pumping times and ending up horribly engorged and uncomfortable. It takes time out of my work day that must be made up. I have to carry around a breast pump (although the one I use, the Ameda Purely Yours, is pretty convenient for carrying purposes) and it's not the quietest thing in the world to use. This might all sound like very good reasons to not breastfeed, but I've got to tell you that I happily, willingly go through this and worse because the nursing relationship we have is so important to me. Today Gaz was fussy at breakfast (tropical fruit mush and rice cakes) and hysterical by the time I got her out of her high chair. Nothing calmed her--not cuddling, not sitting her near her toys, not petting the cat--except for nursing. It's one small way I can always "make it better." I provide her with important nourishment (recent studies are showing that breastmilk continues to be nutritionally significant for years) and with the security of my presence. That is something I treasure, and I will do everything I can to maintain that benefit.
We further believe in baby-led weaning. I know I'm not going to breastfeed forever; I don't want to breastfeed forever. For one thing, we'd like to have another baby one day, and while I know it's possible to tandem-nurse, that seems like more complication than I'd like to deal with in addition to the complexities of a growing family. But I've got faith in Gaz's ability to let me know when she's ready to ease up and eventually quit nursing. She figured out today that she can turn on one of her tap lights by throwing another tap light at it, and that if she throws it just right, she can turn them both on at once. She's a smart cookie.
The other strange thing we do, co-sleeping, is also very important to us. There's the whole always-being-near-Gaz-at-6:11am thing, but there are many more practical and emotional benefits to the arrangement. Since Gaz has never taken to the bottle well, she's usually a little low on fuel on the days that I work all day, so she'll nurse all night to compensate. That might sound like a lot of work for me, but with her right at my side, it's really no trouble at all to feed her. She doesn't usually wake up all the way and I get back to sleep much easier than if I had to get up and walk around. And for all the sleeping trouble we had right around the move, I can't imagine how much worse it would have been if Gaz had been alone in bed. Sharing sleep also provides Mark with opportunities to assist in the nighttime parenting that he otherwise wouldn't have. Everyone who knows him knows that he sleeps like a rock and is difficult to wake up. Well, he wakes up a bit easier now. He can sleep through one of us crying, but not both of us. If I'm at my breaking point, he's right there to help. He's been of so much help, especially in the early days.
Even when he's unconscious, just being in the bed helps. One night recently Gaz was sleeping fitfully and kept startling in her sleep. Her little body would jerk, she'd let out a little cry, then she'd reach out and feel both of us nearby and drift back off to sleep. That was the coolest thing I've ever seen (her settling, not her crying), and proof enough for me that our just being there is a good thing.
Of course I just love having my baby near. If we couldn't spend all that quality time together at night, I probably would have quit my job in a fit of hysterics ages ago. I hate being away from my girl. I'm not worried that she won't learn how to comfort herself, because she's still so young. I know, like breastfeeding, she'll grow out of wanting to sleep in our bed. Neither of us is in a hurry to enforce independence now. We feel that if she feels completely safe, loved, and trusting, that independence will naturally follow. Some people call it attachment parenting. We call it just doing what we do. It feels very comfortable and very "right," which IMO should be every parent's guide for their parenting. If it doesn't feel right, whatever it is* and whatever is in vogue in the latest parenting book, don't do it. I'm down with good enough parenting.
That's the foundation of our life at home. Add in the love and support of all our friends and relatives (we love you all!), plenty of interesting toys (mostly cat toys and lids from POM tea right now), and the occassional episode of Teletubbies, and you'll get a pretty happy little Gaz.
Now for the update on what Gaz is doing! At last! She's been caught standing unaided a couple of times now, which is ever-so-cool. She's obviously figuring out that standing doesn't always need to be done next to furniture, although she's still usually found next to the couch or the coffee table. She's also experimenting with walking along furniture or, as I found out yesterday, propelling furniture with the power of her little legs. If only the coffee table could scoot farther, Gaz would be the happiest creature on the planet! I havent' gotten video of that yet, because she's usually moving around at my feet while I'm on the couch, which is a terrible angle at which to try to capture little feet. I promise I'll work on that, but Mark, if you're reading this, I'll be needing your help! I have got some video of her playing by herself, mostly attacking a cardboard box and taking things off of/putting things on the chair in the living room. Oh, and also attacking the video camera and putting her finger in her nose. That'll learn me to ask her where here nose is.
I look at the wall-o-baby photos at work, I look at our Flickr accounts, and it seems like so long ago that she was still in the "loaf of bread" stage, but at the same time it feels like no time has passed at all. It seems like there should be a word for it. We go see Dr. C. next Friday, so I'm sure there will be much to report on the vital stats.
As for the parents, I'm sure we've changed somehow but I haven't noticed much. Been a little busy. I think I'm more patient, though (I know! I can't believe it either!) and better at playing with little kids. I'm also better at rhyming on the fly, which is a must-have skill for people who like to change the lyrics of songs constantly and with no notice. It's fun to see Mark and me try to do it at the same time. Rule #4? Broken!**
And now I'm afraid that if I reflect any more, I'm in danger of turning into a mirror.
* It goes without saying (or should, anyway) that baby's saftey is already taken into account and is the primary consideration.
** Rule #4 states that one must not sing one song while another song is already playing. This is mostly so that I don't go crazy on car trips, but it's good for any occassion. The other rules don't seem to stick, except for Rule #2, which is "don't ever make someone laugh while they're eating watermelon."
First, I've got to say that I dig that she was born so early in the morning, not just because at the time I was under a bit of duress, but because we get to spend every 6:11 together, regardless of whether it's a work day for me or not. It's a little thing, but I love it.
This brings me to two things that are so important to us--all three of us--that I want to take a little space here to explain to everyone. Neither Mark nor myself has often been accused of doing things in an orthodox manner, and our family life is no different, I'm sure. The two things that make us all very happy with our family situation are breastfeeding and sharing sleep.
Let me start off by saying that, having gone through the business of figuring out how to do things in our family, I have nothing but respect for all the moms and dads in the world who've made decisions, some of them pretty tough ones, and raised their families in the ways that best worked for them. I've got no argument with anyone who has done things differently, and the following rambling is not meant to make anyone feel bad for their decisions. I don't like it when other people dis our choices, so I don't want any of our friends and family thinking that we don't support everyone's right and capacity to figure out how best to do things for themselves. Right. Onto the ramble.
Breastfeeding was not easy for us in the beginning. Gaz was lazy and I had little idea what I was doing. I was a bit arrogant about my skills: just because one's mother was a La Leche League leader for years, does not mean that one has innate breastfeeding super powers. In the hospital and for one difficult day at home, I ended up feeding Gaz formula via a supplemental nursing system that allowed her to get enough fluid volume to keep her hydrated while also getting her the all-important colostrum from me. This also helped my milk come in. To anyone in a similar situation, look for the compromise that will make everyone happy. One day after getting Gaz rehydrated my milk came in with a vengeance.
Breastfeeding has continued to be a challenge after going back to work. I had to buy a new watch that had alarms because I don't always watch the clock well when I'm working, and I was occassionally missing my pumping times and ending up horribly engorged and uncomfortable. It takes time out of my work day that must be made up. I have to carry around a breast pump (although the one I use, the Ameda Purely Yours, is pretty convenient for carrying purposes) and it's not the quietest thing in the world to use. This might all sound like very good reasons to not breastfeed, but I've got to tell you that I happily, willingly go through this and worse because the nursing relationship we have is so important to me. Today Gaz was fussy at breakfast (tropical fruit mush and rice cakes) and hysterical by the time I got her out of her high chair. Nothing calmed her--not cuddling, not sitting her near her toys, not petting the cat--except for nursing. It's one small way I can always "make it better." I provide her with important nourishment (recent studies are showing that breastmilk continues to be nutritionally significant for years) and with the security of my presence. That is something I treasure, and I will do everything I can to maintain that benefit.
We further believe in baby-led weaning. I know I'm not going to breastfeed forever; I don't want to breastfeed forever. For one thing, we'd like to have another baby one day, and while I know it's possible to tandem-nurse, that seems like more complication than I'd like to deal with in addition to the complexities of a growing family. But I've got faith in Gaz's ability to let me know when she's ready to ease up and eventually quit nursing. She figured out today that she can turn on one of her tap lights by throwing another tap light at it, and that if she throws it just right, she can turn them both on at once. She's a smart cookie.
The other strange thing we do, co-sleeping, is also very important to us. There's the whole always-being-near-Gaz-at-6:11am thing, but there are many more practical and emotional benefits to the arrangement. Since Gaz has never taken to the bottle well, she's usually a little low on fuel on the days that I work all day, so she'll nurse all night to compensate. That might sound like a lot of work for me, but with her right at my side, it's really no trouble at all to feed her. She doesn't usually wake up all the way and I get back to sleep much easier than if I had to get up and walk around. And for all the sleeping trouble we had right around the move, I can't imagine how much worse it would have been if Gaz had been alone in bed. Sharing sleep also provides Mark with opportunities to assist in the nighttime parenting that he otherwise wouldn't have. Everyone who knows him knows that he sleeps like a rock and is difficult to wake up. Well, he wakes up a bit easier now. He can sleep through one of us crying, but not both of us. If I'm at my breaking point, he's right there to help. He's been of so much help, especially in the early days.
Even when he's unconscious, just being in the bed helps. One night recently Gaz was sleeping fitfully and kept startling in her sleep. Her little body would jerk, she'd let out a little cry, then she'd reach out and feel both of us nearby and drift back off to sleep. That was the coolest thing I've ever seen (her settling, not her crying), and proof enough for me that our just being there is a good thing.
Of course I just love having my baby near. If we couldn't spend all that quality time together at night, I probably would have quit my job in a fit of hysterics ages ago. I hate being away from my girl. I'm not worried that she won't learn how to comfort herself, because she's still so young. I know, like breastfeeding, she'll grow out of wanting to sleep in our bed. Neither of us is in a hurry to enforce independence now. We feel that if she feels completely safe, loved, and trusting, that independence will naturally follow. Some people call it attachment parenting. We call it just doing what we do. It feels very comfortable and very "right," which IMO should be every parent's guide for their parenting. If it doesn't feel right, whatever it is* and whatever is in vogue in the latest parenting book, don't do it. I'm down with good enough parenting.
That's the foundation of our life at home. Add in the love and support of all our friends and relatives (we love you all!), plenty of interesting toys (mostly cat toys and lids from POM tea right now), and the occassional episode of Teletubbies, and you'll get a pretty happy little Gaz.
Now for the update on what Gaz is doing! At last! She's been caught standing unaided a couple of times now, which is ever-so-cool. She's obviously figuring out that standing doesn't always need to be done next to furniture, although she's still usually found next to the couch or the coffee table. She's also experimenting with walking along furniture or, as I found out yesterday, propelling furniture with the power of her little legs. If only the coffee table could scoot farther, Gaz would be the happiest creature on the planet! I havent' gotten video of that yet, because she's usually moving around at my feet while I'm on the couch, which is a terrible angle at which to try to capture little feet. I promise I'll work on that, but Mark, if you're reading this, I'll be needing your help! I have got some video of her playing by herself, mostly attacking a cardboard box and taking things off of/putting things on the chair in the living room. Oh, and also attacking the video camera and putting her finger in her nose. That'll learn me to ask her where here nose is.
I look at the wall-o-baby photos at work, I look at our Flickr accounts, and it seems like so long ago that she was still in the "loaf of bread" stage, but at the same time it feels like no time has passed at all. It seems like there should be a word for it. We go see Dr. C. next Friday, so I'm sure there will be much to report on the vital stats.
As for the parents, I'm sure we've changed somehow but I haven't noticed much. Been a little busy. I think I'm more patient, though (I know! I can't believe it either!) and better at playing with little kids. I'm also better at rhyming on the fly, which is a must-have skill for people who like to change the lyrics of songs constantly and with no notice. It's fun to see Mark and me try to do it at the same time. Rule #4? Broken!**
And now I'm afraid that if I reflect any more, I'm in danger of turning into a mirror.
* It goes without saying (or should, anyway) that baby's saftey is already taken into account and is the primary consideration.
** Rule #4 states that one must not sing one song while another song is already playing. This is mostly so that I don't go crazy on car trips, but it's good for any occassion. The other rules don't seem to stick, except for Rule #2, which is "don't ever make someone laugh while they're eating watermelon."
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