one year later

Sometime around a year ago (I don't remember the date, which is strange coming from me, I know) I was still quite gravid and my blood pressure was trying to scale Mt. Everest. On this particular anniversary-I-can't-quite-nail-down, my OB sent me to the hospital because my blood pressure was dangerously high. If it came down, I could go home; if it didn't, I would be induced straight away whether I liked it or not.

It did, of course, come down and Gaz was very healthy, as we all know now. Today I remembered how bleak that day was. One year ago, give or take a few days, I didn't know if things were about to go badly. I had no way of knowing if Gaz would be okay, if I would be okay, or how anything was going to turn out. It's all very easy for people to be dissmissive and say "oh, things will work out just fine," but there are no guarantees of that. Last year I was awash in that horrible uncertainty.

Today when I see Gaz toddling around, throwing books at the cat, and nodding when I ask her if she wants more macaroni and cheese, I am grateful beyond words that things have gone so well. There is no expression yet conceived to convey my absolute happiness with my daughter and our little family. This is the most precious thing I have.

There is no moral to this story. I just love my girl.