nine months (with footnotes!)

With Gaz turning nine months old this morning, I'm feeling all reflecty.

First, I've got to say that I dig that she was born so early in the morning, not just because at the time I was under a bit of duress, but because we get to spend every 6:11 together, regardless of whether it's a work day for me or not. It's a little thing, but I love it.

This brings me to two things that are so important to us--all three of us--that I want to take a little space here to explain to everyone. Neither Mark nor myself has often been accused of doing things in an orthodox manner, and our family life is no different, I'm sure. The two things that make us all very happy with our family situation are breastfeeding and sharing sleep.

Let me start off by saying that, having gone through the business of figuring out how to do things in our family, I have nothing but respect for all the moms and dads in the world who've made decisions, some of them pretty tough ones, and raised their families in the ways that best worked for them. I've got no argument with anyone who has done things differently, and the following rambling is not meant to make anyone feel bad for their decisions. I don't like it when other people dis our choices, so I don't want any of our friends and family thinking that we don't support everyone's right and capacity to figure out how best to do things for themselves. Right. Onto the ramble.

Breastfeeding was not easy for us in the beginning. Gaz was lazy and I had little idea what I was doing. I was a bit arrogant about my skills: just because one's mother was a La Leche League leader for years, does not mean that one has innate breastfeeding super powers. In the hospital and for one difficult day at home, I ended up feeding Gaz formula via a supplemental nursing system that allowed her to get enough fluid volume to keep her hydrated while also getting her the all-important colostrum from me. This also helped my milk come in. To anyone in a similar situation, look for the compromise that will make everyone happy. One day after getting Gaz rehydrated my milk came in with a vengeance.

Breastfeeding has continued to be a challenge after going back to work. I had to buy a new watch that had alarms because I don't always watch the clock well when I'm working, and I was occassionally missing my pumping times and ending up horribly engorged and uncomfortable. It takes time out of my work day that must be made up. I have to carry around a breast pump (although the one I use, the Ameda Purely Yours, is pretty convenient for carrying purposes) and it's not the quietest thing in the world to use. This might all sound like very good reasons to not breastfeed, but I've got to tell you that I happily, willingly go through this and worse because the nursing relationship we have is so important to me. Today Gaz was fussy at breakfast (tropical fruit mush and rice cakes) and hysterical by the time I got her out of her high chair. Nothing calmed her--not cuddling, not sitting her near her toys, not petting the cat--except for nursing. It's one small way I can always "make it better." I provide her with important nourishment (recent studies are showing that breastmilk continues to be nutritionally significant for years) and with the security of my presence. That is something I treasure, and I will do everything I can to maintain that benefit.

We further believe in baby-led weaning. I know I'm not going to breastfeed forever; I don't want to breastfeed forever. For one thing, we'd like to have another baby one day, and while I know it's possible to tandem-nurse, that seems like more complication than I'd like to deal with in addition to the complexities of a growing family. But I've got faith in Gaz's ability to let me know when she's ready to ease up and eventually quit nursing. She figured out today that she can turn on one of her tap lights by throwing another tap light at it, and that if she throws it just right, she can turn them both on at once. She's a smart cookie.

The other strange thing we do, co-sleeping, is also very important to us. There's the whole always-being-near-Gaz-at-6:11am thing, but there are many more practical and emotional benefits to the arrangement. Since Gaz has never taken to the bottle well, she's usually a little low on fuel on the days that I work all day, so she'll nurse all night to compensate. That might sound like a lot of work for me, but with her right at my side, it's really no trouble at all to feed her. She doesn't usually wake up all the way and I get back to sleep much easier than if I had to get up and walk around. And for all the sleeping trouble we had right around the move, I can't imagine how much worse it would have been if Gaz had been alone in bed. Sharing sleep also provides Mark with opportunities to assist in the nighttime parenting that he otherwise wouldn't have. Everyone who knows him knows that he sleeps like a rock and is difficult to wake up. Well, he wakes up a bit easier now. He can sleep through one of us crying, but not both of us. If I'm at my breaking point, he's right there to help. He's been of so much help, especially in the early days.

Even when he's unconscious, just being in the bed helps. One night recently Gaz was sleeping fitfully and kept startling in her sleep. Her little body would jerk, she'd let out a little cry, then she'd reach out and feel both of us nearby and drift back off to sleep. That was the coolest thing I've ever seen (her settling, not her crying), and proof enough for me that our just being there is a good thing.

Of course I just love having my baby near. If we couldn't spend all that quality time together at night, I probably would have quit my job in a fit of hysterics ages ago. I hate being away from my girl. I'm not worried that she won't learn how to comfort herself, because she's still so young. I know, like breastfeeding, she'll grow out of wanting to sleep in our bed. Neither of us is in a hurry to enforce independence now. We feel that if she feels completely safe, loved, and trusting, that independence will naturally follow. Some people call it attachment parenting. We call it just doing what we do. It feels very comfortable and very "right," which IMO should be every parent's guide for their parenting. If it doesn't feel right, whatever it is* and whatever is in vogue in the latest parenting book, don't do it. I'm down with good enough parenting.

That's the foundation of our life at home. Add in the love and support of all our friends and relatives (we love you all!), plenty of interesting toys (mostly cat toys and lids from POM tea right now), and the occassional episode of Teletubbies, and you'll get a pretty happy little Gaz.

Now for the update on what Gaz is doing! At last! She's been caught standing unaided a couple of times now, which is ever-so-cool. She's obviously figuring out that standing doesn't always need to be done next to furniture, although she's still usually found next to the couch or the coffee table. She's also experimenting with walking along furniture or, as I found out yesterday, propelling furniture with the power of her little legs. If only the coffee table could scoot farther, Gaz would be the happiest creature on the planet! I havent' gotten video of that yet, because she's usually moving around at my feet while I'm on the couch, which is a terrible angle at which to try to capture little feet. I promise I'll work on that, but Mark, if you're reading this, I'll be needing your help! I have got some video of her playing by herself, mostly attacking a cardboard box and taking things off of/putting things on the chair in the living room. Oh, and also attacking the video camera and putting her finger in her nose. That'll learn me to ask her where here nose is.

I look at the wall-o-baby photos at work, I look at our Flickr accounts, and it seems like so long ago that she was still in the "loaf of bread" stage, but at the same time it feels like no time has passed at all. It seems like there should be a word for it. We go see Dr. C. next Friday, so I'm sure there will be much to report on the vital stats.

As for the parents, I'm sure we've changed somehow but I haven't noticed much. Been a little busy. I think I'm more patient, though (I know! I can't believe it either!) and better at playing with little kids. I'm also better at rhyming on the fly, which is a must-have skill for people who like to change the lyrics of songs constantly and with no notice. It's fun to see Mark and me try to do it at the same time. Rule #4? Broken!**

And now I'm afraid that if I reflect any more, I'm in danger of turning into a mirror.


* It goes without saying (or should, anyway) that baby's saftey is already taken into account and is the primary consideration.

** Rule #4 states that one must not sing one song while another song is already playing. This is mostly so that I don't go crazy on car trips, but it's good for any occassion. The other rules don't seem to stick, except for Rule #2, which is "don't ever make someone laugh while they're eating watermelon."